ALL ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP
20 years of marriage…whew! College sweethearts. Each from New England. Met in Miami. Each love boating and warm weather. Each can appreciate a good ski resort and both love to travel. One large loud Italian family and one big Jewish family with lots of “rules” and expectations. 2 different religions. 2 different cultures. Both love animals, protecting the environment, and kids over the age of 2. 😊
That’s us. Are we soul mates? I like to think so. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t argue, have challenges, or bumps in the “relationship road”. We have had to make difficult decisions around having kids, working for prolonged periods of time 1000s of miles apart, projects that occupied nights and weekends, and we have to juggle many responsibilities along with being a good spouse and dog parent.
At this stage of life, many of our colleagues and friends are divorced. Nieces and nephews are getting into serious relationships and we are asked often what the secret is to our 20 years of marital bliss? Well, it is not always “blissful” and “peaches and cream” which is why I decided to share our relationship story publicly here on my blog! I am going to share our ups and downs and tools that we use to nurture our relationship so that we can hopefully help others navigate their own relationship journey.
See how Steve and I each answer common questions that we get asked about our relationship and download our relationship quiz to see how you score in the relationship department!
1.What is the most annoying trait of Kasey/Steve?
K- Steve is so organized at work and manages crews of over 500 people. He works with complicated personalities and coordinates so many logisitics on Hollywood TV shows with $20M budgets. He is extremely successful and good at what he does and he works so hard to keep everything operating on time and running smoothly yet when we have a personal event, he makes us late almost every time! He likes to publicly blame me for being late, but it is his lack of organization at home that leads to him not being able to find a belt or sock or shoe and his inability to allow enough "prep time" for any event that requires more than jeans, T-shirt, and baseball hat that makes us late every time!
S- This is a setup. I plead the 5th on this one. But if you REALLY want me to give you something, even though I think Kasey is perfect in every way, it would be that sometimes in the very rare instance that we argue about something, if I realize I did something wrong and agree with her, she'll keep persisting and poking and repeating herself about why she was right and I was wrong instead of just accepting the win.
2. How did you know Kasey/Steve was “the one”?
K- I knew Steve was the one almost from the day we met. At first, I had a little hesitation because he is a year younger than me and we met in college so a year feels like a lot of time, but he quickly won my heart. He made so many sacrifices for me, chose me over his college buddies on Saturday nights in Miami, he boldly broke it to his Italian Catholic parents that he was going to propose to a Jewish gal and live together in Los Angeles before the marriage date. From day one, Steve made it very clear to me that he would do anything, and drive (or fly) to the end of the earth, for me. His presence calms me and makes me feel safe at the same time. He is my "home".
S- It hit me a few times. The first part very early in our relationship when we had to be away from each other for a few weeks for holidays and I really really missed her and hated being away from her for even a day. The next part was later as I was nearing graduation and she was applying to PA schools and she was making sacrifices to be able to come to CA with me and support my career dreams. The thought of being long distance if she went to PA school outside of CA was terrible, but it didn't seem like it would be a problem because we did everything we could to stay together - her mostly by pushing hard as she could to go to USC.
3. What is your advice on how to best resolve disagreements or arguments with a partner?
K- One thing that I try to say during arguments is "I hear you" and "I understand what you are saying". But then I usually end it with, "but you know I am right! I am working on leaving that last part out (LOL :). The other thing I try to do is stop talking about the issue when we are really angry and "sleep on it" and re-visit it in the AM after I had time to digest the issue and can more calmly present a compromise.
S- It's important to HEAR the other person's perspective and why they feel the way they do. In a marriage, you really have to approach life as a team. If you have a disagreement or argument, I don't think it's as important to be right or wrong, I think it's more important to make your point understood by your partner so they understand why you feel a certain way and then come up with a compromise. And if you can't compromise, just say you're wrong and they're right and move on...
4. After 20 years of marriage, how do you keep things “spicy” in the bedroom?
K- Ha! The real answer to that question will remain a secret. But I can say that compliments from Steve and small surprises like small notes, flowers, or even thoughtful texts during the day don't hurt. And frequent "staycations" at luxurious spas, resorts, and exotic locations around the world are good to rekindle the romance too. ;)
S- This is something I need to work on because I don't think my sexy mating dance is working.
5. In one sentence, what is your “secret” for a happy marriage?
K- Marriage is a journey. It has ups and downs. And it changes over time. For me the secret is marrying your "partner"; someone who you can be around all the time, work with, laugh with, dance and be silly with, be ill with, comfort and console, and support 100%. Steve and I evaluate our life, where we are and where we want to be, on a semi annual basis and we create new goals for ourselves, our relationship, our career and business, and our life. We don't always agree, or see eye to eye, but we make major decisions together, accept each other's differences, and we know that we each make each other a better person. (oops...that was more than one sentence :)
S- You have to be willing to make compromises, approach life as a time, and never hesitate to tell your partner you love them.